Bye-bye love...bye-bye gallbladder...

After being "diagnosed" by no less than ten people as having a problem with my gall bladder...I decided to actually go to the doctor. I had 4 incidents, or 'attacks', if you will, prior to actually going and getting it checked out. The first one was in April and then it didn't happen again until June when we were in Mexico. So, there was so much time in between, I forgot I had a problem (OK - maybe I didn't forget...maybe I chose to forget). But these last two attacks happened within a week from each other, and seeing as how I'm not a big fan of pain, I thought I'd get it checked out.
Friday I had an ultrasound, which revealed that I have a 3cm gallstone, which apparently in the world of gallstones, is quite large. The doctor is very direct, to say the least (which melds well with my personality), and pretty much said..."you can wait until you have another attack and head to the ER, or you can go ahead and schedule a surgery and have your gall bladder removed. Either way...its' coming out."
SOOO...I scheduled an appointment with a surgeon on Sept 9th. Provided I don't have an attack prior to that appointment, I'll be having my gall bladder removed sometime after that.
My big question was..."How will having my gall bladder removed affect me? What changes?"
The answer..."Nothing really...you don't need it anyways."
So I just have to wonder...why do I have the goofy thing in the first place? What a lot of pain and hassle for something that I don't even need.

All is well...

Well we have completed the first full week of school and all is well. Nicolas seems to love it...I seem to be over it...and I've heard from the principal that he's the best kindergartner ever (of course, she's my friend...so take that for what it's worth:-)
Soccer is getting ready to start up - I posted some pics to the right of his first practice. It was rather shocking to me how short Nicolas is compared to all of the other kids. It's the "kindergarten" league, so all of the kids should be close to the same age as him, but all of them (even the girl) are taller than he is. I know he doesn't have alot going for him (I'm 5'3" on a good day; Lee is 5'9"), I mean, it's no secret the kid's probably not going to be an NBA star...but we'll keep holding out hope. There's always that adolescent growth spurt...

That Kid is Mine...

Well, Lee and I determined that the only logical explanation for the overwhelming mood swings that take place in Nicolas from day to day, hour to hour, and sometimes minute to minute can only be explained by the sheer fact that he is indeed, my child.
It's absurd, really. Yesterday he had the complete meltdown (see yesterday's blog) and last night, the meltdown continued. I had worship team rehearsal last night and the poor child literally flung himself on me to try to get me to stay home or take him with me. Very needy, to say the least.
This morning, however, he woke up all smiles, ate, got dressed, brushed his teeth and then INSISTED that I drop him off in the "car line" - NOT walk him inside to his classroom. "Mom," he says, "it's been a week, I know where the room is."
I guess deep down, there's this demented part of me that in some way enjoyed the little meltdown yesterday. That part of me that wants him to need me, wants him to want to spend time with me, wants him to beg me to stay home with him. The same part that is scared to death of him getting out of my car and walking to his classroom by himself, even if I'm pulled right up to the front door of the school.
In any case, it's clear to all involved that he is definitely a mere product of his environment. With all of his crazy mood swings, which do nothing but enhance my own mood swings, it's hard to determine who needs to be on prozac more...

The First Meltdown...

Well, I think we could classify today as Nicolas' first school related "meltdown". It started before we left the house and pretty much continued until we reached the classroom. NOT because he didn't want to go to school, mind you. But because he has discovered something very quickly in his 3 short days of school...he is one of the few students in his class that's mommy has to work and can't pick him up from school every day. Very traumatic for him...which turns out to be traumatic for me, as well. He started with the simple, "Mommy, can you please pick me up from school today?"...which quickly escalated into a full blown..."YOU'RE A MEAN, MEAN MOMMY! I'm the ONLY kid who's mom doesn't pick him up from school. ALL the other kids get to go home after school. I'm the ONLY one who has to go to daycare!"
Now, clearly I know that his claims are untrue - he is not the only child that goes to daycare after school (I actually asked today and found that there are five children that ride the bus to Nicolas' daycare). But, in his mind, five isn't alot. And it clearly appears to him that I am the only mom mean enough to force him to suffer thru childcare after an exhausting day at school.
"Why don't you WANT to pick me up and hang out with me?" he asks.
Wow. Now there's a nice kick in the gut. Of course I WANT to pick him up from school. Not only that, I want to take him, pick him up, and volunteer (stalk him) at the school several hours every day. I look at him and him asking me why I don't want to hang out with him and I see a teenager, who 10 years from now will be begging me to PLEASE leave him alone! And I think to myself how quickly this stage will pass and how I'm not able to fully enjoy it with him...and wondering if someday he'll magically "get it".
In my normal parenting style, I tried to have a completely adult conversation with him explaining that "Mommy works so that she and Daddy can buy you things like DS games and take you places like Six Flags and Disney World and let you enjoy your favorite foods (McDonald's:-) from time to time without having to worry about where the money will come from - things alot of kids never get to experience."
To which he replies, "I don't care if I never get another toy or ever go anywhere again, I just want you to pick me up from school!"
Again, not true. But where do you go from there?
I can tell you where I went...to work. I left him in a classroom with tears in his eyes, reminded him to get on the daycare bus after school, and left to go make money so I can buy him things he doesn't want, take him places he doesn't want to go and pay someone else to pick him up from school every day.

First Week is Over...

We (OK...I) have survived the first 'week' of school even if it was only 2 days. Nicolas seems completely unscathed and other than the fact my entire face was swollen today from all the crying I did yesterday, I came out unharmed as well.
I can't say he loves it, because he truly seems indifferent. After school, he rides the Small World (his pre-school) bus back to the same place he's been going for the past 2 years, so he still has a lot of regularity in his schedule. He just hasn't missed a beat. He won't tell me what he does at school...he's too grown up to talk to me, I guess. Or maybe he's just a little annoyed because I started asking questions the minute we picked him up and was trying to keep him awake so I could keep asking them even after bed time!
I asked him last night if he liked it enough to go back...or did he just want to keep going to pre-school and he gave me this look like I was completely stupid and was like..."MOM...I'm GOING to school, leave me alone, I'm almost in 1st grade!!!"
Wow, this school thing is flying by a lot faster than I anticipated...

It's today...it's today!

"Is it today, Mom...is it today?!"
"It's always today, George...always today." Stuart Little

Well, it really is today. This morning I took my very small, young child to an enourmous building with thousands (OK, maybe hundreds) of kids running around...and just left him there. He is in a classroom with 27 other kindergartners...most all of whom seemed to share his total "I couldn't care less that you're leaving me" attitude. Ouch!
Lee did see one child crying, which I decided had to be worse than the kid not caring...so I've got that going for me.
I thought, for the most part, the morning went well. Nicolas was pretty excited until we got in the room, when he started holding my hand. When I asked him if he remembered is SS# (so he can punch it in to get lunch), I thought I detected a slight quiver in his voice. Still, I held it together pretty nicely until I walked out of the classroom and saw all of the weeping/mourning going on in the hall...then I pretty much lost it.
I know lots of people that work at the school, so several of them found me and hugged me and asked how I was doing...which of course, made me start crying even though I thought I had already gotten my act together prior to their asking.
Lee, not having a clue how to handle me because he sees absolutely no reason to be concerned or upset, took me to eat breakfast, and after realizing that I wasn't going to "move on" quite that easily, decided to go do some work and leave me alone. I've already driven by the school to see if I could see him outside at recess...no such luck.
I'm heading over to a Kindergarten Mom's party in a few minutes in hopes that there will be someone there in worse shape than I am. Misery loves company. Maybe taking the day off work wasn't the wisest of ideas...

Kindergarten...

Well, I just happened to remember the blog due to some recent unfortunate events that have caused me to read other people's blogs...anyway, the importance of creating a traceable history, especially for Nicolas, has a newfound importance to me. So, seriously, I'm going to try to blog atleast once a month, which could possibly turn into more, as I do typically get addicted to stuff like this once I learn what I'm doing:-)
I read my last posting and find it quite humorous that nearly a year ago, I already knew what I would be feeling like this week. That's right. This is the week. In two very short days, Nicolas starts kindergarten.
I'm excited for him, because he is OH SO excited, so I can't help but enjoy it a bit. But, I'm sick with the realization that he is growing up. In fact, he doesn't seem the least bit concerned about going to school and will probably be embarrassed to kiss me goodbye as he runs from the car when I drop him off. I could cry just typing about it.
I say out loud that I worry about taking him to this place where he can so easily be lost (I mean, if he has to go to the bathroom, is someone going to follow him in there???) and overlooked. But, I think the true fear is just that...he doesn't so much need me anymore. I know, I know...he's only five. He needs me. He can't drive himself to his soccer games or cook his own meals...but if you have a child that has ventured out into the big new world of kindergarten, I suspect you know what I'm talking about here.
Well, enough about that. I've gotten myself all worked up again...all I can do at this point is promise to blog again when this drama has subsided:-)